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Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Divorce in Islam
Divorce in Islam
By Reem Sultan
Reprinted from the Islamic Information Center of America website, iica.org
Divorce in every religion is controversial. On one hand, it brings about the disintegration of family life with consequent unhappiness for the children born of that marriage. On the other hand, dissolution of marriage might be desirable when the spouses can no longer live in harmony and have lost all mutual respect for one another. Continuance of an unhappy marriage breeds hate and disgust and is likely to ruin the emotional well- being of the children, or of the either one of the spouses. Islam tends to take a realistic a sympathetic view of human affairs, and thus stresses on the happiness of both spouses. If a husband and wife cannot live happily together in peace and harmony and are not satisfied with their matrimonial life, in these sense that they have physical, emotional, and sexual problems with each other, the Quran prescribes them "Divorce", only if the problems are severe.
"If they disagree and must part, Allah (The God) will provide abundance for all from His all reaching bounty. For Allah is He who cares for all and is wise.” (Quran sura 4, aya 130).
However, every attempt should be made to solve these differences, since Islam does not approve of divorce on frivolous grounds. There must be a valid and significant reason for a disruption of this sacred bond to occur.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Of all the permitted things divorce is the most abominable by God." and "Marry and do not divorce, undoubtedly the throne of the beneficent Lord shakes due to divorce."
Before the advent of Islam, divorce was considered to be a frivolous affair by which an angry man could throw his wife out of the house without any valid reason, leaving the unfortunate woman with no recourse to any legal procedure nor any right to maintenance from him. Pagan Arabs used to divorce their wives at any time, arbitrarily. They also used to revoke the divorce, and then pronounce divorce again and repeat the game as many times as they could ' They would, at their pleasure, mistreat the wife, and accuse her of adultery, misconduct, or disobedience. Thus smearing her reputation, which would deter other suitors.
In the midst of these customs Islam introduced to mankind a code for life, which laid down rules and regulations that must be followed in order to live a righteous and noble life. If we thoroughly examine these Islamic laws, under the four schools of jurisprudence, we can see that they take into account the different tentative aspects and situations of divorce to guide the Muslim "Ummah" towards a decision that will affect them for rest of their lives.
The legal term for divorce in Islam is "Talaq". In its literal sense it means "undoing of, or release from a knot". It is a ten-n used by many Muslim jurists to denote the release of a woman from a marital tie. The process of "Talaq" consists of many, components, which are essential to the proper and valid breakage of a marital bond. As part of this intricate process, the Quran prescribes that, if a man decides to repudiate his wife, he should call two men of justice (preferably Muslims) to witness his action:
"And take for witnesses. Two persons from among you, endued with justice. And establish the evidence." (Quran sura 65, aya 2)
There are no specific prescribed words in the Quran that are to be used by a husband to pronounce divorce to his wife. However, the words should convey the intention of the husband to dissolve the marriage. It is necessary that he must be of sound mind, not a minor, and be capable of using his own discretion to reach such a decision. Therefore, a divorce pronounced by an insane man or a child is not considered to be valid.
The Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) said: "Any divorce is lawful except the divorce given by a person whose intellect is overpowered." This leads us to the question of whether divorce is valid if given without proper intention, that is, under the influence of alcohol, or drugs, or in a state of extreme anger, or by way of jest, or even without free choice (if he is under a threat of his life or property). According to the Malikite, Shafites, and Hanbalite school of jurisprudence, such a divorce is invalid and unacceptable in the eyes of Islamic law. However, the Hanifite school, on the contrary, accepts such a divorce and constitutes it to be valid. It is also essential that when a man expresses his intention to annul a marriage, his wife is not to be in her monthly menstrual cycle, since Allah (The God), does not approve of any hasty decision regarding her future to take place in her period of sexual incapacitation.
Thus, once the conditions are met, "Talaq" can fall under two broad categories; "Talaq al Raji", which is revocable divorce and "Talaq al Bidi", which is irrevocable divorce.
In "Talaq al Raji", the husband pronounces "Talaq" once or at the most twice. This is based on the following Quranic injunction:
"A divorce is only permissible twice. After that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness." (Quran sura 2, aya 29).
After the first pronouncement, the period of waiting starts immediately. This is an important component in the process of divorce in Islam. It is basically, in this case, a waiting period of three months in which their is abstinence of sexual intercourse between the husband and the wife The purpose of fixing such a long period of waiting is to determine if the wife is pregnant or not, and to encourage attraction in the husband towards the wife. This period gives him an opportunity to reconsider his decision about the divorce. Thus, the husband has the right to exercise "Raja" which is the return of the wife to him. The Holy Quran says:
"And the husband has the better right to take them back in that period if they wish for reconciliation” (Quran sura 4, aya 130).
It suffices just to utter words such as, "I take you back" or to resume sexual relations to constitute reconciliation. According to the Shafites, however, return is not possible without uttering specific wordings. The Malikites, Hanbalites, and the Hanifites, on the contrary, do not require any sort of specific wordings.
Talaq al Raji may take one of the two forms:
"Ahsan" or "Hasan", "Talaq al Ahsan" is "the most approved" form of Talaq. It is so named because of the approval it received from the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH). "Ahsan" is effected by a single declaration of repudiation, during a woman's “clean period", and by subsequent abstention from intercourse with her, during her period waiting. In this period, however, repudiation is revocable and the husband may resume conjugal relations with his wife. Until the period of waiting has expired, the marriage tie is not dissolved. The husband retains marital authority over the wife, and if during this period either party dies the other may inherit. The right to revoke repudiation before waiting expires exists only in the cases where the marriage has been consummated. Repudiation of a wife with whom the marriage has not been consummated is irrevocable.
"Talaq al Hasan", on the other hand, is a less approved form of divorce. It is so named because it commands a degree less in the approval of the Prophet (PBUH) as compared to "Talaq al Ahsan". It is effected by three repudiations in three successive "clean periods". After the first and the second repudiation the situation is the same as in the "Ahsan" form of divorce, that is, the repudiation is revocable. It becomes absolute when the third repudiation has been pronounced or when the period of iddah has expired without revocation of repudiation.
Another category of divorce is "Talaq al Bidi which is irrevocable divorce. It is a form which is not approved or recognized by the Prophet (PBUH). It is effected by three repudiations, which may be pronounced at any time and without definite intervals. Although Islamically this method of divorce is regarded sinful, it is nevertheless recognized as effective and produces the same results as "Talaq al Hasan".
It is reported that on a certain occasion when news was brought to the Prophet (PBUH), that one of his disciples had divorced his wife, pronouncing the three repudiations (talaqs) at one and the same time, the Prophet stood in anger on his carpet and declared that the man was making a playing of the words of God and made him take back his wife.
Once the "Talaq" process is underway, the question of responsibility of maintenance of the wife arises. The Holy Quran points out in Surat al Talaq:
"Let women in iddah live in the same style as you live, according to your means. Trouble them not in such a way as to make things difficult for them." (Quran sura 65, aya 6).
Thus the husband's responsibility for the maintenance of his wife and his children by her, pertains not only when they are living with him, but continues in the event of divorce. There are some selfish people who may mistreat their wives and make their lives miserable after pronouncing divorce while they are still in iddah. This is forbidden. A wife must be provided for in the same standard of living as her husband's standard. There is still hope of reconciliation, and even if there is not, the parting must still be honorable. According to the Maliki, Hanifi, Hanbali, and Shafii jurists, it is the duty of the husband to provide financial security and accommodation to the wife during her period of waiting, only if the marriage has been consummated.
However, no maintenance is due to a finally divorced woman, nor is she entitled to any past maintenance except under the Shafii school. In fixing the sum to be paid for maintenance, all the schools lay down the rule that the Qadi (Judge) will exercise his discretion considering the rank and circumstances of both the spouses. This principle is based on the following Quranic verse:
"Let the man of means spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him." (Quran sura 65, aya 7).
In the event of pregnancy, the Holy Quran imposes additional responsibility. No separation is permissible until after the child is born. Hence she must be properly maintained. As for the child, its nursing, welfare, and similarly, the care of the mother remains the father’s responsibility. All four jurists agree unanimously on this principle, as it is stated in the Holy Quran:
"Mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father wishes to complete the term, but he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms." (Quran sura 2, aya 233).
It should be noted that in Islam the wife also has the right to demand of her husband a divorce. However, instead of "Talaq" it is termed "Khul" and in its literal sense it means releasing or removing the dress from the body. This is an appropriate allusion to the verse of the Holy Quran, which says:
"Women are your garment and you are their garment." (Quran sura 2, aya 182).
The Maliki jurists define "Khul" as "a divorce by giving something in return. According to the Hanifi, Shafii and Hanbali jurists," it is the end of a marital relationship with consent and with the utterance of the word "Khul".
The Holy Quran permits a wife to ask for a divorce only on legitimate grounds, such as fears of cruelty or desertion. It states:
"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best." (Quran sura 4, aya 128).
Thus, when a wife feels that her husband is failing to perform his marital duties, she can obtain her release from the marriage by giving up all or some of the dower she received at the time of her marriage. In consideration of this, the husband agrees to the "khul", and the divorce is complete. However "Khul" case has to go to court, where the Qadi must first of all ascertain whether the wife really dislikes her husband so much that she cannot live with him anymore. If the court is satisfied, it will fix as compensation anything that it considers proper, and the husband will have to accept this and divorce his wife. All four jurists are generally of the option that the compensation should not exceed the dowry given by the husband at the time of marriage.
Thus, by analyzing the divorce laws, we can see that Islam provides an equal and fair opportunity of the husband and wife to leave a marital relationship that they consider to be detrimental to their well being. These rules and laws that have been laid down by the Holy Quran and sunnah to enables Muslims to make a rational judgment regarding their future. Islam encourages the Muslim "Ummah" to take their time and make an intelligent decision that is free of anger and misunderstanding. It is obviously preferred by Allah that Muslims refrain from divorce and try to live together in peace and tranquillity, since such a choice leads to a healthy family and a healthy Muslim society.
Reprinted from the Islamic Information Center of America website, iica.org
Divorce in every religion is controversial. On one hand, it brings about the disintegration of family life with consequent unhappiness for the children born of that marriage. On the other hand, dissolution of marriage might be desirable when the spouses can no longer live in harmony and have lost all mutual respect for one another. Continuance of an unhappy marriage breeds hate and disgust and is likely to ruin the emotional well- being of the children, or of the either one of the spouses. Islam tends to take a realistic a sympathetic view of human affairs, and thus stresses on the happiness of both spouses. If a husband and wife cannot live happily together in peace and harmony and are not satisfied with their matrimonial life, in these sense that they have physical, emotional, and sexual problems with each other, the Quran prescribes them "Divorce", only if the problems are severe.
"If they disagree and must part, Allah (The God) will provide abundance for all from His all reaching bounty. For Allah is He who cares for all and is wise.” (Quran sura 4, aya 130).
However, every attempt should be made to solve these differences, since Islam does not approve of divorce on frivolous grounds. There must be a valid and significant reason for a disruption of this sacred bond to occur.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Of all the permitted things divorce is the most abominable by God." and "Marry and do not divorce, undoubtedly the throne of the beneficent Lord shakes due to divorce."
Before the advent of Islam, divorce was considered to be a frivolous affair by which an angry man could throw his wife out of the house without any valid reason, leaving the unfortunate woman with no recourse to any legal procedure nor any right to maintenance from him. Pagan Arabs used to divorce their wives at any time, arbitrarily. They also used to revoke the divorce, and then pronounce divorce again and repeat the game as many times as they could ' They would, at their pleasure, mistreat the wife, and accuse her of adultery, misconduct, or disobedience. Thus smearing her reputation, which would deter other suitors.
In the midst of these customs Islam introduced to mankind a code for life, which laid down rules and regulations that must be followed in order to live a righteous and noble life. If we thoroughly examine these Islamic laws, under the four schools of jurisprudence, we can see that they take into account the different tentative aspects and situations of divorce to guide the Muslim "Ummah" towards a decision that will affect them for rest of their lives.
The legal term for divorce in Islam is "Talaq". In its literal sense it means "undoing of, or release from a knot". It is a ten-n used by many Muslim jurists to denote the release of a woman from a marital tie. The process of "Talaq" consists of many, components, which are essential to the proper and valid breakage of a marital bond. As part of this intricate process, the Quran prescribes that, if a man decides to repudiate his wife, he should call two men of justice (preferably Muslims) to witness his action:
"And take for witnesses. Two persons from among you, endued with justice. And establish the evidence." (Quran sura 65, aya 2)
There are no specific prescribed words in the Quran that are to be used by a husband to pronounce divorce to his wife. However, the words should convey the intention of the husband to dissolve the marriage. It is necessary that he must be of sound mind, not a minor, and be capable of using his own discretion to reach such a decision. Therefore, a divorce pronounced by an insane man or a child is not considered to be valid.
The Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) said: "Any divorce is lawful except the divorce given by a person whose intellect is overpowered." This leads us to the question of whether divorce is valid if given without proper intention, that is, under the influence of alcohol, or drugs, or in a state of extreme anger, or by way of jest, or even without free choice (if he is under a threat of his life or property). According to the Malikite, Shafites, and Hanbalite school of jurisprudence, such a divorce is invalid and unacceptable in the eyes of Islamic law. However, the Hanifite school, on the contrary, accepts such a divorce and constitutes it to be valid. It is also essential that when a man expresses his intention to annul a marriage, his wife is not to be in her monthly menstrual cycle, since Allah (The God), does not approve of any hasty decision regarding her future to take place in her period of sexual incapacitation.
Thus, once the conditions are met, "Talaq" can fall under two broad categories; "Talaq al Raji", which is revocable divorce and "Talaq al Bidi", which is irrevocable divorce.
In "Talaq al Raji", the husband pronounces "Talaq" once or at the most twice. This is based on the following Quranic injunction:
"A divorce is only permissible twice. After that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness." (Quran sura 2, aya 29).
After the first pronouncement, the period of waiting starts immediately. This is an important component in the process of divorce in Islam. It is basically, in this case, a waiting period of three months in which their is abstinence of sexual intercourse between the husband and the wife The purpose of fixing such a long period of waiting is to determine if the wife is pregnant or not, and to encourage attraction in the husband towards the wife. This period gives him an opportunity to reconsider his decision about the divorce. Thus, the husband has the right to exercise "Raja" which is the return of the wife to him. The Holy Quran says:
"And the husband has the better right to take them back in that period if they wish for reconciliation” (Quran sura 4, aya 130).
It suffices just to utter words such as, "I take you back" or to resume sexual relations to constitute reconciliation. According to the Shafites, however, return is not possible without uttering specific wordings. The Malikites, Hanbalites, and the Hanifites, on the contrary, do not require any sort of specific wordings.
Talaq al Raji may take one of the two forms:
"Ahsan" or "Hasan", "Talaq al Ahsan" is "the most approved" form of Talaq. It is so named because of the approval it received from the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH). "Ahsan" is effected by a single declaration of repudiation, during a woman's “clean period", and by subsequent abstention from intercourse with her, during her period waiting. In this period, however, repudiation is revocable and the husband may resume conjugal relations with his wife. Until the period of waiting has expired, the marriage tie is not dissolved. The husband retains marital authority over the wife, and if during this period either party dies the other may inherit. The right to revoke repudiation before waiting expires exists only in the cases where the marriage has been consummated. Repudiation of a wife with whom the marriage has not been consummated is irrevocable.
"Talaq al Hasan", on the other hand, is a less approved form of divorce. It is so named because it commands a degree less in the approval of the Prophet (PBUH) as compared to "Talaq al Ahsan". It is effected by three repudiations in three successive "clean periods". After the first and the second repudiation the situation is the same as in the "Ahsan" form of divorce, that is, the repudiation is revocable. It becomes absolute when the third repudiation has been pronounced or when the period of iddah has expired without revocation of repudiation.
Another category of divorce is "Talaq al Bidi which is irrevocable divorce. It is a form which is not approved or recognized by the Prophet (PBUH). It is effected by three repudiations, which may be pronounced at any time and without definite intervals. Although Islamically this method of divorce is regarded sinful, it is nevertheless recognized as effective and produces the same results as "Talaq al Hasan".
It is reported that on a certain occasion when news was brought to the Prophet (PBUH), that one of his disciples had divorced his wife, pronouncing the three repudiations (talaqs) at one and the same time, the Prophet stood in anger on his carpet and declared that the man was making a playing of the words of God and made him take back his wife.
Once the "Talaq" process is underway, the question of responsibility of maintenance of the wife arises. The Holy Quran points out in Surat al Talaq:
"Let women in iddah live in the same style as you live, according to your means. Trouble them not in such a way as to make things difficult for them." (Quran sura 65, aya 6).
Thus the husband's responsibility for the maintenance of his wife and his children by her, pertains not only when they are living with him, but continues in the event of divorce. There are some selfish people who may mistreat their wives and make their lives miserable after pronouncing divorce while they are still in iddah. This is forbidden. A wife must be provided for in the same standard of living as her husband's standard. There is still hope of reconciliation, and even if there is not, the parting must still be honorable. According to the Maliki, Hanifi, Hanbali, and Shafii jurists, it is the duty of the husband to provide financial security and accommodation to the wife during her period of waiting, only if the marriage has been consummated.
However, no maintenance is due to a finally divorced woman, nor is she entitled to any past maintenance except under the Shafii school. In fixing the sum to be paid for maintenance, all the schools lay down the rule that the Qadi (Judge) will exercise his discretion considering the rank and circumstances of both the spouses. This principle is based on the following Quranic verse:
"Let the man of means spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him." (Quran sura 65, aya 7).
In the event of pregnancy, the Holy Quran imposes additional responsibility. No separation is permissible until after the child is born. Hence she must be properly maintained. As for the child, its nursing, welfare, and similarly, the care of the mother remains the father’s responsibility. All four jurists agree unanimously on this principle, as it is stated in the Holy Quran:
"Mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father wishes to complete the term, but he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms." (Quran sura 2, aya 233).
It should be noted that in Islam the wife also has the right to demand of her husband a divorce. However, instead of "Talaq" it is termed "Khul" and in its literal sense it means releasing or removing the dress from the body. This is an appropriate allusion to the verse of the Holy Quran, which says:
"Women are your garment and you are their garment." (Quran sura 2, aya 182).
The Maliki jurists define "Khul" as "a divorce by giving something in return. According to the Hanifi, Shafii and Hanbali jurists," it is the end of a marital relationship with consent and with the utterance of the word "Khul".
The Holy Quran permits a wife to ask for a divorce only on legitimate grounds, such as fears of cruelty or desertion. It states:
"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best." (Quran sura 4, aya 128).
Thus, when a wife feels that her husband is failing to perform his marital duties, she can obtain her release from the marriage by giving up all or some of the dower she received at the time of her marriage. In consideration of this, the husband agrees to the "khul", and the divorce is complete. However "Khul" case has to go to court, where the Qadi must first of all ascertain whether the wife really dislikes her husband so much that she cannot live with him anymore. If the court is satisfied, it will fix as compensation anything that it considers proper, and the husband will have to accept this and divorce his wife. All four jurists are generally of the option that the compensation should not exceed the dowry given by the husband at the time of marriage.
Thus, by analyzing the divorce laws, we can see that Islam provides an equal and fair opportunity of the husband and wife to leave a marital relationship that they consider to be detrimental to their well being. These rules and laws that have been laid down by the Holy Quran and sunnah to enables Muslims to make a rational judgment regarding their future. Islam encourages the Muslim "Ummah" to take their time and make an intelligent decision that is free of anger and misunderstanding. It is obviously preferred by Allah that Muslims refrain from divorce and try to live together in peace and tranquillity, since such a choice leads to a healthy family and a healthy Muslim society.
Islamic law regarding marriage
Islamic law regarding marriage
slam recognizes value of sex and advocates marriage. Islam does not believe in celibacy. The Prophet of Islam has said, "Marriage is my Sunnah (that is recommended action of the Prophet) and whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not my true follower." (Ibn Haiah, Babun Nikah)
Allah has commanded the Muslims to marry:
"And marry those among you who are single…." (24:33)
In Islam, marriage is essentially a contract. However, the distinction between sacred and secular was never explicit in Islam. Any action or transaction in Islam has religious implications. It is not quite accurate, therefore, to designate marriage in Islam simply as a secular contract. The appropriate designation of marriage could be a "Divine Institution".
For a valid marriage, the following conditions must be satisfied:
It is permissible for a Muslim man to see the women to whom he intends to propose marriage before taking further steps so that he can enter into the marriage with full knowledge. This has been permitted in Islam to avoid further misunderstanding. The Prophet (Sm) has said, "When one of you asks for woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what induce him to marry her, he should do so." (Narrated in the book of tradition of Abu Daud)
However, it is not permitted in Islam for a man to be alone with a woman in the name of selection of spouse.
It is the girl's right to make decision concerning her marriage and her father or guardian has no right to over-ride her objections or ignore her wishes. The Prophet (peace be upon him) has said, "A woman who has been previously married has more right concerning her person than her guardian and a virgin's consent must be asked about herself, her consent being her silence." (Narrated in the books of tradition of Bukhari and Muslim)
It is permanently prohibited for a Muslim to marry a woman of the following categories:
In Islam marriage is also prohibited with foster mother who has suckled him during the period of weaning and with foster sisters, foster aunt and foster nieces.
Islam has also prohibited marriage with mother in law, the stepdaughter, and the daughter in law. Islam has also forbidden having two sisters as co-wives.
It is also prohibited to marry a woman who is a Mushrik that is who worships idols or associates other deities with Allah. Allah says in His book, the Quran,
"And do not marry Mushrik women until they believe." (2:221)
It is however lawful for Muslim men to marry chaste women (that is women of virtue and character) from among the Jews and the Christians. Allah says in His Book,
"(And lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women form those who were given the scripture before you."(5:5)
"It is not permissible for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men." (2:221 and 60:10)
Allah has been more kind to the women and has not put on her extra stress and probable difficulties in living with a husband of another faith.
Islam has allowed man to marry more than one woman but has put serious restrictions on this. It requires agreement of the new wife, his ability to maintain more than one wife, equality among the wives, etc. It is for this reason that very few Muslim men marry more than one woman. Islam has allowed this to man to curb illicit sex. Illicit sex is a very degenerating thing for humanity and leads to debasement of women through prostitution. Islam has totally rejected prostitution.
Islamic law regarding marriage is easy, practical, rational and in keeping with human nature. Humanity can only benefit by following these regulations in true spirit.
Allah has commanded the Muslims to marry:
"And marry those among you who are single…." (24:33)
In Islam, marriage is essentially a contract. However, the distinction between sacred and secular was never explicit in Islam. Any action or transaction in Islam has religious implications. It is not quite accurate, therefore, to designate marriage in Islam simply as a secular contract. The appropriate designation of marriage could be a "Divine Institution".
For a valid marriage, the following conditions must be satisfied:
- There must be a clear proposal.
- There must be a clear acceptance.
- There must be at least two competent witnesses. This is necessary to exclude illicit sex and to safeguard legitimacy of progeny. It is recommended that marriage should be widely publicized.
- There must be a marriage gift, little or more, by the bridegroom to the bride.
It is permissible for a Muslim man to see the women to whom he intends to propose marriage before taking further steps so that he can enter into the marriage with full knowledge. This has been permitted in Islam to avoid further misunderstanding. The Prophet (Sm) has said, "When one of you asks for woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what induce him to marry her, he should do so." (Narrated in the book of tradition of Abu Daud)
However, it is not permitted in Islam for a man to be alone with a woman in the name of selection of spouse.
It is the girl's right to make decision concerning her marriage and her father or guardian has no right to over-ride her objections or ignore her wishes. The Prophet (peace be upon him) has said, "A woman who has been previously married has more right concerning her person than her guardian and a virgin's consent must be asked about herself, her consent being her silence." (Narrated in the books of tradition of Bukhari and Muslim)
It is permanently prohibited for a Muslim to marry a woman of the following categories:
- Father's wife, whether divorced or widowed,
- The mother including grand mothers,
- The daughter including grand daughter,
- The sisters including half and step sisters,
- The paternal aunt, whether real, half or step sister of the father,
- The maternal aunt, whether real, half or step sister of mother,
- The brother's daughter and
- The sister's daughter.
In Islam marriage is also prohibited with foster mother who has suckled him during the period of weaning and with foster sisters, foster aunt and foster nieces.
Islam has also prohibited marriage with mother in law, the stepdaughter, and the daughter in law. Islam has also forbidden having two sisters as co-wives.
It is also prohibited to marry a woman who is a Mushrik that is who worships idols or associates other deities with Allah. Allah says in His book, the Quran,
"And do not marry Mushrik women until they believe." (2:221)
It is however lawful for Muslim men to marry chaste women (that is women of virtue and character) from among the Jews and the Christians. Allah says in His Book,
"(And lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women form those who were given the scripture before you."(5:5)
"It is not permissible for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men." (2:221 and 60:10)
Allah has been more kind to the women and has not put on her extra stress and probable difficulties in living with a husband of another faith.
Islam has allowed man to marry more than one woman but has put serious restrictions on this. It requires agreement of the new wife, his ability to maintain more than one wife, equality among the wives, etc. It is for this reason that very few Muslim men marry more than one woman. Islam has allowed this to man to curb illicit sex. Illicit sex is a very degenerating thing for humanity and leads to debasement of women through prostitution. Islam has totally rejected prostitution.
Islamic law regarding marriage is easy, practical, rational and in keeping with human nature. Humanity can only benefit by following these regulations in true spirit.
The majority of the Companions held the view that after the completion of the Islamic legislation, temporary marriage was made absolutely haram
Temporary Marriage (Mut'ah)
By Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi, from The Lawful and the Prohibited in IslamMarriage in Islam is a strong bond, a binding contract, based on the intentions of both partners to live together permanently in order to attain, as individuals, the benefit of the repose, affection, and mercy which are mentioned in the Qur'an, as well as to attain the social goal of the reproduction and perpetuation of the human species:
And Allah has made for our spouses of your own nature, and from your spouses has made for you sons and grandsons... (16:72)
Now, in temporary marriage (known in Arabic as mut'ah), which is contracted by the two parties to marry for a specified period of time in exchange for a specified sum of money, the above-mentioned purposes of marriage are not realized. While the Prophet (peace be on him) permitted temporary marriage during journeys and military campaigns before the Islamic legislative process was complete, he later forbade it and made it forever haram.
The reason it was permitted in the beginning was that the Muslims were passing through what might be called a period of transition from jahiliyyah to Islam. Fornication was very common and wide-spread among the pre-Islamic Arabs. After the advent of Islam, when they were required to go on military expeditions, they were under great pressure as a result of being absent from their wives for long periods of time. Among the Believers were some who were strong in faith and others who were weak. The weak ones feared that they would be tempted to commit adultery, a major sin and an evil course, while the strong in faith, on the other hand, were ready to castrate themselves, as stated by Ibn Mas'ud:
We were on an expedition with the Messenger of Allah (peace be on him) and did not have our wives with us, so we asked Allah's Messenger (peace be on him), 'Should we not castrate ourselves?' (The reason for this request was the desire to maintain their purity of mind and body, which was in danger of being affected by their unmet needs. (Trans.)) He forbade us to do so but permitted us to contract marriage with a woman up to a specified date, giving her a garment as a dower (mahr). (Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Thus temporary marriage provided a solution to the dilemma in which both the weak and the strong found themselves. It was also a step toward the final legalization of the complete marital life in which the objectives of permanence, chastity, reproduction, love, and mercy, as well as the widening of the circle of relationships through marriage ties were to be realized.
We may recall that the Qur'an adopted a gradual course in prohibiting intoxicants and usury, as these two evils were widespread and deeply rooted in the jahili society. In the same manner' the Prophet (peace be on him) adopted a course of gradualism in the matter of sex, at first permitting temporary marriage as a step leading away from fornication and adultery, and at the same time coming closer to the permanent marriage relationship. He then prohibited it absolutely, as has been reported by 'Ali and many other Companions. Muslim has reported this in his Sahih, mentioning that al-Juhani was with the Prophet (peace be on him) at the conquest of Makkah and that the Prophet (peace be on him) gave some Muslims permission to contract temporary marriages. Al-Juhani said, "Before leaving Makkah the Messenger of Allah(peace be on him) prohibited it." In another version of the hadith we find the Prophet's own words, "Allah has made it haram until the Day of Resurrection."
The question then remains—Is temporary marriage (mut'ah) absolutely haram, like marriage to one's own mother or daughter, or is it like the prohibition concerning the eating of pork or dead meat, which becomes permissible under real necessity, the necessity in this case being the fear of committing the sin of zina ?
The majority of the Companions held the view that after the completion of the Islamic legislation, temporary marriage was made absolutely haram.Ibn 'Abbas, however, held a different opinion, permitting it under necessity. A person asked him about marrying women on a temporary basis and he permitted him to do so. A servant of his then asked, "Is this not under hard conditions, when women are few and the like?" and he replied, "Yes." (Reported by al-Bukhari.) Later, however, when Ibn 'Abbas saw that people had become lax and were engaging in temporary marriages without necessity, he withdrew his ruling, reversing his opinion. (Zad al-Mi'ad,vol.4,p. 7. Bayhaqi transmitted it and Muslim as well.)
The Second Wife in Islam, Polygamy in Islam - Pakistan
The Second Wife
By Shariffa Carlo Al AndalusiaI heard a commentary the other day which hit home like little else has in a long time. A news commentator had just finished interviewing some local youngsters on the impact that the Clinton/Lewinsky affair had upon them. Most of the young people said the same. "It is personal." "Let him be." "No one is perfect." and so forth... The commentator, when summing up his report said, "The President is supposed to represent the morals and values of the society that he represents." He paused and then said, "Maybe that is the problem."
That pretty much summed it up. Clinton represents the morals and values of America. He is the poster-child for the greedy, over-indulgent American who is concerned with nothing more than self gratification. So why do so many Muslims idealize this society? Why are so many of us so enamoured with the values of these people that we either appologize for or even deny basic tenents of our belief?
One such tenent is polygyny. Polygyny is the practice of marrying more than one wife. Unfortunately, often the term polygamy - the practice of marrying more than one spouse is used to describe the practice in Islam. This is incorrect. Islam allows more than one wife, up to four.
I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look to the reality of their relationships. The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same. The system in the West has been described by some as serial monogomy because of the insane divorce rate, but is in reality little more than a charade for an open unchecked worship of human desire.
Unfortunately, I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife. What a low state we have reached that such a comment could ever come from a Muslim. May Allah (SWT) Guide us, Ameen!
I have even heard Muslims actually ask, "Why is it allowed for men but not for women to have more than one spouse at a time?" Our level of faith in the Wisdom of Allah has fallen to such an all-time low, that we no longer think that it is wrong or even disliked to question the judgement of Allah.
Too many of us follow the West into the lizard hole, and we don't even bother to take a light with us to see if it is safe. We no longer care. We assume that they know what they are doing and we jump in with no fear. I wish such Muslims would have the same amount of faith in Allah (SWT) that they have in the West.
We have to start dealing with Islamic issues with the eyes and ears and minds of Muslims, not with the tongues of the Kafirs, Insha-Allah. Look to this society. Any sane, rational human being can see the destruction they have brought upon themselves with their modern concepts of love, justice, equality and human rights. The only true definitions of these concepts are those revealed by Allah (SWT) and taught and practiced by His beloved Messenger. America has shown itself to be devoid of values, time and time again, but too many Muslims blindly ignore the results of these actions and continue to follow them, footstep by footstep.
Allah (SWT) has made it so easy for us. He has given us all that we need to deal with any issue that may present itself. He has paved an even, straight path for us, so why do so many of us consistantly veer to roads that are clearly wraught with danger and isapointment? Allah (SWT) has blessed us with guidance. He has blessed us with knowledge. He has blessed us with Islam. So, which of the blessings of our Lord will we ignore?
Allah (SWT) says,
"... Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one..." (An-Nisa 4:3)
I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:129).
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.
However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B — giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule.
Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars, Insha-Allah. So many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah (SWT) prevent this from happening. Ameen!
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..." Allah (SWT) forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. Ameen!
The One who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah (SWT), Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition.
And to say it is unfair is to say that He (SWT) is unfair. May Allah (SWT) guard our tongues from such blasphemy. Ameen!
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram?
Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah (SWT) forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah (SWT) guide us. Ameen! Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her.
Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's (SWT)Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah (SWT)? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness? Astagh Ferrullah!!!
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah (SWT), and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha (RA) our Mother was the MOST jealous of any woman, but she did not allow her jealousy to destroy her deen, Alhamdulillah.
I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of the wives of Muhammad (SAW), or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of their deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other, but in the end they submitted to their Creator, Allah (SWT).
Sure, they even tried (until the Prophet (SAW) forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah (SWT). So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam, Insha-Allah. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her, Insha-Allah. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support, Subhana-Allah!
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah (SWT) forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. Perhaps if they marry your husband or your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, expel them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best, Masha-Allah. They have married rather than commit haram, Masha-Allah. They have followed the command of Allah (SWT) by completing half their religion (marriage). The one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to re-examine her faith in Allah (SWT). She has to accept this as Allah's (SWT) religion and as the superior way, because and -- only because -- Allah (SWT) said that it is so.
May Allah (SWT) guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah (SWT) make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah (SWT) give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen!!!
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I heard a commentary the other day which hit home like little else has in a long time. A news commentator had just finished interviewing some local youngsters on the impact that the Clinton/Lewinsky affair had upon them. Most of the young people said the same. "It is personal." "Let him be." "No one is perfect." and so forth... The commentator, when summing up his report said, "The President is supposed to represent the morals and values of the society that he represents." He paused and then said, "Maybe that is the problem."
That pretty much summed it up. Clinton represents the morals and values of America. He is the poster-child for the greedy, over-indulgent American who is concerned with nothing more than self gratification. So why do so many Muslims idealize this society? Why are so many of us so enamoured with the values of these people that we either appologize for or even deny basic tenents of our belief?
One such tenent is polygyny. Polygyny is the practice of marrying more than one wife. Unfortunately, often the term polygamy - the practice of marrying more than one spouse is used to describe the practice in Islam. This is incorrect. Islam allows more than one wife, up to four.
I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look to the reality of their relationships. The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same. The system in the West has been described by some as serial monogomy because of the insane divorce rate, but is in reality little more than a charade for an open unchecked worship of human desire.
Unfortunately, I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife. What a low state we have reached that such a comment could ever come from a Muslim. May Allah (SWT) Guide us, Ameen!
I have even heard Muslims actually ask, "Why is it allowed for men but not for women to have more than one spouse at a time?" Our level of faith in the Wisdom of Allah has fallen to such an all-time low, that we no longer think that it is wrong or even disliked to question the judgement of Allah.
Too many of us follow the West into the lizard hole, and we don't even bother to take a light with us to see if it is safe. We no longer care. We assume that they know what they are doing and we jump in with no fear. I wish such Muslims would have the same amount of faith in Allah (SWT) that they have in the West.
We have to start dealing with Islamic issues with the eyes and ears and minds of Muslims, not with the tongues of the Kafirs, Insha-Allah. Look to this society. Any sane, rational human being can see the destruction they have brought upon themselves with their modern concepts of love, justice, equality and human rights. The only true definitions of these concepts are those revealed by Allah (SWT) and taught and practiced by His beloved Messenger. America has shown itself to be devoid of values, time and time again, but too many Muslims blindly ignore the results of these actions and continue to follow them, footstep by footstep.
Allah (SWT) has made it so easy for us. He has given us all that we need to deal with any issue that may present itself. He has paved an even, straight path for us, so why do so many of us consistantly veer to roads that are clearly wraught with danger and isapointment? Allah (SWT) has blessed us with guidance. He has blessed us with knowledge. He has blessed us with Islam. So, which of the blessings of our Lord will we ignore?
Allah (SWT) says,
"... Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one..." (An-Nisa 4:3)
I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:129).
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.
However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B — giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule.
Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars, Insha-Allah. So many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah (SWT) prevent this from happening. Ameen!
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..." Allah (SWT) forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. Ameen!
The One who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah (SWT), Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition.
And to say it is unfair is to say that He (SWT) is unfair. May Allah (SWT) guard our tongues from such blasphemy. Ameen!
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram?
Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah (SWT) forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah (SWT) guide us. Ameen! Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her.
Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's (SWT)Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah (SWT)? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness? Astagh Ferrullah!!!
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah (SWT), and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha (RA) our Mother was the MOST jealous of any woman, but she did not allow her jealousy to destroy her deen, Alhamdulillah.
I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of the wives of Muhammad (SAW), or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of their deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other, but in the end they submitted to their Creator, Allah (SWT).
Sure, they even tried (until the Prophet (SAW) forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah (SWT). So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam, Insha-Allah. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her, Insha-Allah. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support, Subhana-Allah!
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah (SWT) forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. Perhaps if they marry your husband or your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, expel them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best, Masha-Allah. They have married rather than commit haram, Masha-Allah. They have followed the command of Allah (SWT) by completing half their religion (marriage). The one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to re-examine her faith in Allah (SWT). She has to accept this as Allah's (SWT) religion and as the superior way, because and -- only because -- Allah (SWT) said that it is so.
May Allah (SWT) guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah (SWT) make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah (SWT) give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen!!!
The Second Wife
By Shariffa Carlo Al AndalusiaI heard a commentary the other day which hit home like little else has in a long time. A news commentator had just finished interviewing some local youngsters on the impact that the Clinton/Lewinsky affair had upon them. Most of the young people said the same. "It is personal." "Let him be." "No one is perfect." and so forth... The commentator, when summing up his report said, "The President is supposed to represent the morals and values of the society that he represents." He paused and then said, "Maybe that is the problem."
That pretty much summed it up. Clinton represents the morals and values of America. He is the poster-child for the greedy, over-indulgent American who is concerned with nothing more than self gratification. So why do so many Muslims idealize this society? Why are so many of us so enamoured with the values of these people that we either appologize for or even deny basic tenents of our belief?
One such tenent is polygyny. Polygyny is the practice of marrying more than one wife. Unfortunately, often the term polygamy - the practice of marrying more than one spouse is used to describe the practice in Islam. This is incorrect. Islam allows more than one wife, up to four.
I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look to the reality of their relationships. The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same. The system in the West has been described by some as serial monogomy because of the insane divorce rate, but is in reality little more than a charade for an open unchecked worship of human desire.
Unfortunately, I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife. What a low state we have reached that such a comment could ever come from a Muslim. May Allah (SWT) Guide us, Ameen!
I have even heard Muslims actually ask, "Why is it allowed for men but not for women to have more than one spouse at a time?" Our level of faith in the Wisdom of Allah has fallen to such an all-time low, that we no longer think that it is wrong or even disliked to question the judgement of Allah.
Too many of us follow the West into the lizard hole, and we don't even bother to take a light with us to see if it is safe. We no longer care. We assume that they know what they are doing and we jump in with no fear. I wish such Muslims would have the same amount of faith in Allah (SWT) that they have in the West.
We have to start dealing with Islamic issues with the eyes and ears and minds of Muslims, not with the tongues of the Kafirs, Insha-Allah. Look to this society. Any sane, rational human being can see the destruction they have brought upon themselves with their modern concepts of love, justice, equality and human rights. The only true definitions of these concepts are those revealed by Allah (SWT) and taught and practiced by His beloved Messenger. America has shown itself to be devoid of values, time and time again, but too many Muslims blindly ignore the results of these actions and continue to follow them, footstep by footstep.
Allah (SWT) has made it so easy for us. He has given us all that we need to deal with any issue that may present itself. He has paved an even, straight path for us, so why do so many of us consistantly veer to roads that are clearly wraught with danger and isapointment? Allah (SWT) has blessed us with guidance. He has blessed us with knowledge. He has blessed us with Islam. So, which of the blessings of our Lord will we ignore?
Allah (SWT) says,
"... Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one..." (An-Nisa 4:3)
I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, "And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:129).
Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru - as some state - then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.
Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances - like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.
However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don't begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims.
Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?
At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if - then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If - then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B — giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule.
Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars, Insha-Allah. So many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah (SWT) prevent this from happening. Ameen!
Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, "But it's not fair..." Allah (SWT) forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. Ameen!
The One who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah (SWT), Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition.
And to say it is unfair is to say that He (SWT) is unfair. May Allah (SWT) guard our tongues from such blasphemy. Ameen!
Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam's high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram?
Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah (SWT) forgive us for making this so.
Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone's husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah (SWT) guide us. Ameen! Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her.
Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah's (SWT)Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah (SWT)? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness? Astagh Ferrullah!!!
We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah (SWT), and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha (RA) our Mother was the MOST jealous of any woman, but she did not allow her jealousy to destroy her deen, Alhamdulillah.
I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of the wives of Muhammad (SAW), or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of their deen. Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other, but in the end they submitted to their Creator, Allah (SWT).
Sure, they even tried (until the Prophet (SAW) forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah (SWT). So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam, Insha-Allah. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her, Insha-Allah. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support, Subhana-Allah!
Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah (SWT) forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. Perhaps if they marry your husband or your friend's husband, do not condemn them, curse them, expel them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best, Masha-Allah. They have married rather than commit haram, Masha-Allah. They have followed the command of Allah (SWT) by completing half their religion (marriage). The one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to re-examine her faith in Allah (SWT). She has to accept this as Allah's (SWT) religion and as the superior way, because and -- only because -- Allah (SWT) said that it is so.
May Allah (SWT) guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah (SWT) make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah (SWT) give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen!!!
Marriage Bureau in Pakistan
| Search your Muslim companions for life and complete your Religon. | |
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| We are the first official Muslim marriage institute with islamic intention and the base for international connections in order to find the right Muslim wife or husband. It is our aim to find inschallah the right partner for life for Muslim people: For a very little sum of money you´ll get the possibility to look up in our data bank in an uncomplicated and unbureaucratic way for the right partner. | |
| My advice for when you get to know someone from my marriage site or from another portal is to please treat each other honestly and with sincerity. Take time to get to know one another! It doesn’t always have to be that immediate spark or love at first sight. So please forget about great romances and Bollywood films, reality is, for the most part, very different! The chemistry between the two of you should be right, and you should of course share your faith! | |
| So allow yourselves ample time to get to know one another better. Don’t immediately expect Superman or Wonder Woman. Love needs time to flourish. Please be understanding as you are getting to know each other and don’t be impatient if someone doesn’t reply immediately. This is why I ask you to please be patient! Because patience is half of religion. And Allah swt rewards those who are patient. Let me briefly explain how our marriage portal works and what our rules are! | |
| Rule 1: This portal is intended for Muslims, and Non-Muslims who are sincere in their intention to convert to Islam und are looking for a Muslim spouse who is able to take on the responsibility of explaining the Islam religion in order to strenghten the faith. | |
| Rule 2: On the left-hand side you will see : Register Now. Please register and enter your data. Your first and last name will only be visible to you and the webmaster. Your user name, when entered, will only be visible to other members | |
| Rule 3: When entering the description please only include your characteristics and what kind of partner you are looking for. The description of your profile should under no circumstances include your email address or telephone number, marriage,pakistan,marriage bureau,bureau,paksitani marriage bureau,marriage pakistan,pakistani marriage |
Importance of marriage in Islam
by Dr. Sherif Mohammed
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).
Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally, she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."
-End- =================================================================
MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.
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Islam is a strong advocate of marriage. There are no religious clerical appointments where one must be celibate like for example a priest or nun. The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said "There is no celibacy in Islam." The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition whosoever keeps away from it is not from amongst us".
Marriage is a moral safeguard as well as a social building block. Through marriage, families are established and the family is considered to be the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only valid or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations. It neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be, so that we remain civilized and equity reigns in society. Marriage also acts as an outlet for physical needs and regulates it as well.
The purpose of Marriage.
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The word "Zawj" is used in the Quran to mean a pair or a mate. In general it's usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is so that men and women can love one another, provide company to each other, procreate and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of God.
* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and physical gratification. It is also a form of worship because it is obeying God and His messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite under God. One could choose to live in sin but by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to God.
Marriage is a "Mithaq" - a solemn covenant or agreement. It should not be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one.
For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met:
1) Consent of both parties.
2) "Mahr" - a gift from the groom to the bride.
3) Witnesses.
4) The marriage should be publicized. (It should never be kept secret as this can lead to suspicion and troubles within the community.)
Is Marriage obligatory?
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According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommended, however for certain individuals it becomes Wajib (obligatory). Imam Shaafi'i considered it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit Zina (sex outside of marriage), then marriage becomes obligatory. If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes obligatory for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed, especially if one has the means to do so.
A man, however should not marry if he does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, if he will not consummate the marriage, if he dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation. The general rule is that the Prophet (pbuh) enjoined people to marry. He said "When one marries, they have fulfilled half of their religion , so let them fear God regarding the remaining half." This Hadith is narrated by Anas ibn Malik. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from wrongful actions and upholds the family unit.
Selection of a partner:
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The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "Taqwa" (piety). The Prophet recommended suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple is permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a desireful one. This ruling does not contradict the Ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however is not permitted to be alone in a closed room or to go out together alone. As the hadith says "When a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.
- There is no dating or living in defacto relationships with each other before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rates to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. "Romance" often dies out very quickly when we have to deal with the real world. Unrealistic expectations often contributes to problems within relationships. It is better to focus on compatability of the couple and critical evaluation than solely physical attraction.
Consent of parties.
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There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The Prophet said "The Widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The Prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.
The husband/wife relationship.
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The wife's rights - the husband's obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wife's maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Quran and Sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security.
The wife's maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must provide for her where he resides himself according to his means. The wife's lodging must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The Prophet is reported to have said: "The best Muslim is one who is the best husband."
(2) "Mahr"
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without Mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Quran. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the bride's parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of God to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The Prophet's Last Sermon stresses kindness to women.
The wife's obligations - the husband's rights.
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One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and happiness of the marriage. She should be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband and vice-versa. The Quranic Ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our Lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife should be trustworthy and honest. She cannot deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding conceiving. She should not have any sexual intimacy with anyone other than her husband. She should not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. She shouldn't dispose of his belongings without his permission.
A wife should make herself attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife should not refuse her husband without reason as this may lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband, of course, should take into account the wife's health and consideration of circumstances.
"Obedience."
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The purpose of 'obedience' in a relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.
(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband's rights.
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